The holiday season is always a fantastic time. Being with family, eating lots of food, and spreading cheer. Unfortunetly, for someone who deals with abuse, neglect, or trama, it can be the worste time of year. A lot of children who deal with these issues can not handle seing other people happy. It is hard for them to see other people happy because they themselves can not comprahend that emotion. For my two younger sisters, this is all to real. Chastity and Anna tend to go into emotional spirals around this time of year. You cant blame them for it, they just dont understand how to be happy. The smallest thing can happen, and it will put them in a fit. Growin up it was extreemly hard to do something fun around the holidays, because if we went somewhere our house would be world war lll the next day. Its not all bad, you find out the true meaning of christmas. You get to understand the people you are around, and your compassion grows a lot. So as your celabrating I ask you to remember that this time isnt all that happy for everyone, so share a smile, share some happiness
I am going to take a break from reviewing the past for today because I had an oppertunity to go visit my sister Chastity last week. If any of you were reading this like a story im sorry because im about to skip to the here and now. Chastity is in southern vermont right now. she is in a school for kids trying to pull there life back together. I have not seen my sister in two years because i was out west. While I was gone Chastity was moved into this home because of her many suicide attemps and hostility towards others. Many times when a child is suicidal and physically obbusive people like to ask what is wrong with that child. That child is sufforing. This school is good, they are verry skilled in Alternative tharapy and medicine. Chastity does a lot of yoga and gardening and nutritional stuff, it seems to be helping. Unfortunetly, Chastity has been psychologicaly in a coma for many years. I say a Psychological coma becuase pyscologicaly she is not dead but many things lay dorment. There are things that must be developed in the brain at a young age, such as Love, attachment, addaption and trust. The older the child gets the harder it is to learn. Chastity did not learn these things as a young child, and because of this she might never learn them. Chastity is a fighter, she wants a real life and is trying to get one. It was good to see her, but she is still tormented by her past. I hope one day she can live a normal life and be free of this crap. I wish parents would relize that destroying a childs youth destorys them for life.
Everything happens fast. Chastity was not yet part of the family, but we had to act like she was. Certain things that My older sister and I understood she didn’t. Even though Chastity was 5 years old it felt like she was a new born. It didn’t seem like she knew the difference between yes and know, and she didn’t understand that when she wanted something she couldn’t just take it. For the first few weeks, it felt like we were hosting a criminal in our house. with all of the fights that went on and the stealing, and lying. My mom constantly would try to help me understand that Chastity never had the foundation’s of learning that we all need, but for me I simply thought she was the devil.
Most kids get a dog when they finally move into a house, but I was asked if I would be alright with having a younger sister. I thought our family was good. I had one older sister who was very much into art and school, and I was the athlete of the family. In my mind there was no need for another child. Now a lot of you reading this are thinking “how could he be so selfish”, but let me shed some light on why i thought this way. Most kids have nine months to get used to the idea of having a younger sibling, and that sibling is their brother/sister. For me, I had a month. A month to get used to having this stranger take part of my family’s house, food, space, and love. At this point in time this person was not family, this person with a stranger. so whenever you see a family adopting a child and the birth children don’t seem excited, please do not think the child is heartless but remember what the birth child is going through. I started to have thoughts like “Am I good enough”, “why do we need another child”, and then being the youngest I thought “did i screw up so bad that mom and dad have to adopt”. As a 10 year old boy, I didn’t comprehend these feelings, so when my mom asked me this question I simply said sure, Not knowing that this answer would change my life forever! From the time I was 10 until the time I was 18 I lived with, and grew up with 3 sisters, but for a long time I only called 1 sister. I want to share with you all the major events that happened from the time Chastity came to live with us until I left for my mission at age 18, and everything in between. I wont sugar coat anything and I will be completely honest, because i think its important to know the siblings perspective. We will start our journey when the door opened and there was a little 5 year old girl with her whole life in a couple suitcases!
When your Parents tell you that you are adopting a sister, your head goes through a whirlwind of emotion. there are tons of books about adopting kids and raising kids from different families but there is not a whole lot of information about the siblings perspective. My goal with this blog is to give that perspective, and to provide a little information for future adoptive parents. Let me start by telling me about myself. My name is Jesse Feiner and I am 21. When I was 10 my parents told me that we were adopting a little girl named Chastity, and then a year later i was told that we would be adopting another little girl named Anna. now 10 years later I am sharing the experiences, challenges and life changing experiences of growing up with adoptive siblings. I will try to cover all the main topics, but if anyone has a question please ask and i will address it.